You Make Me Crazy

Rewind a year ago, we were in Bali and starting our jungle adventure. Emotions were high, but the love was still there. I'm all about communication and learning, whereas Z is very much about feeling and being. While our physical relationship has so much innate chemistry, what always bothered me was that I wanted something different. In my teens and into my early adulthood I always understood sex as a performance for the male species, and over the years I really clued into what turned me on, and aroused me. So this video might not be the stereotypical hottest, but it might be healing to those that struggle with connection and understanding what their partner desires. Sometimes sex with another person is all the leftovers and just showing up, that small space between where two people meet. "Not here, not here, not here" "Does this work for you?" I wish I tried harder at the start to communicate what I wanted because I find female sexuality is sensual and sometimes less about sex and the acts. I enjoy the teasing touch, the tantalization, and the arousal of imagination. I want to crave you, before any part of you touches parts of me that could be kindled in your desire. In this video I instruct Z on how to touch me, how to lick me, the rhythm, the angle, the manner of approach. Given that we have different communication styles sometimes it's difficult, you can see our alternating moments of frustration, but he stays present with me even though he hates taking direction, and we both negotiate and work up toward our orgasms. I find this video really beautiful because it reminds me that showing up and being present is so essential toward building something. Sticky heat, my hair all over the place, the sound of the ocean waves in the background, and the underlying current of our relational frustration released post-orgasm. (After this one I have one last one from the archives, and ouff the next one is VERY hot, accidental gushing, and lots of intensity. We're still having really hot break-up sex ngl, it might be wrong but it really checks all my boxes.)

"I used to play with myself all the time, for pleasure and for work, lately I've only wanted to share pleasure with you."rnrnThis video came out of texting with Ro while he was at work. I was at home reading erotica and sending him naughty selfies and video snippets. He was teasing me telling me how he might have to start masturbating at work. I got myself all worked up and I couldn't help myself. So I thought it would be cute to make a video for him. He got home after the video was finished and was all over me. Part 1 I'm sharing with you today, Part 2 has yet to be edited.

We all need unconventional no string attached , SAFE sex sometimes. This video came out of him returning some things after moving out and I had a bed to build. We worked together with lots of innuendo, flirting, and playfulness (i.e. butt biting). So then I started teasing him about a reward, we agreed a blowjob could be fun. Since he only got half of the screws in, he only got half a blowjow, so no cumming (on camera anyway ;)). Fun fact, after the flirting, but before the blowjob he told me he was not sexually attracted to me anymore, of course I had to prove that idea wrong. Due to my work and background, transactional sex is actually where I feel the most comfortable, so in some ways this was very healing for me. It makes me feel like I can watch, edit, and enjoy videos we've made without the loaded emotions that sometimes accompany a long term relationship.

Early April of '24 Zeke and I were in Bali, on the cusp of our lives diverging, but the sex was still so sweet and orgasmic. I really love this video because it's sex the way I like it. Sweet and sensual make outs, me teasing his manhood, and him reigning it in so I can take control. I love lying back and enjoying myself with a vibrator, his finger, and finally his cock. I love it when I get to play with getting so close to my climax, and he has to hold himself on the edge waiting for me. I love feeling myself let go while he's sucking on my nipples and giving me soft kisses. The way he watches me expectantly and how he murmurs sweet things to me. In the end he tells me sorry, and I'm like, what are you apologizing for? And he says, I came. He didn't want to cum yet, but sometimes you can't keep on holding on. We made a mess (:, clean-up included of course!

I woke Z up with a cuddle, and he was rock hard, even though he came the night before his cock was begging to be inside me. We had about 10-15 minutes off camera where I was teasing him, asking him to multi-task, quizzing him with problem solving tasks. This turned me on so much, because I could see the struggle in him, trying to redirect the blood to his brain, rather than his nether regions. Finally, he gives in and asks me if he can fuck me really intensely. I say "Yes please! but let me grab the camera!".. so I set up the phone while he's keeping himself hard. This is where the scene starts. The rest of it, is me directing the poses, while I ask him to rap for me. Hearing his voice turns me on so much. I'm lazily fucking him, and then when he has me on top, I tell him that I want to suck his "post-cum" into my mouth. He's always told me his biggest fantasy is to cum into my mouth, and I've never let anyone do that... He has a huge load, so I surprised him in this video asking to suck him off and swallow after his first spurt.

This "episode" takes place over a day in the life and looks at bringing a camera into the relationship. Is the camera a third person? Does it add to the fun times? Or does it take attention away? I'm a webcam model and I've been in the adult industry for over a decade now, while Z is new to this. He's always been super into the idea of being a stunt cock for me based on the porn he's watched growing up. Whereas what I perform on cam is a little bit more FemDom leaning (e.g. giving directions, objectifying the man, and creating a different type of power dynamic). I once heard to sex between two people referred to as "all the leftovers", I suppose it meant, all the things we don't find triggering or aversive. But in my world, I love the idea of picking up new things that excite me, and sharing it with another. I love being in front of the camera. I love giving directions. I love being in control. And despite him being uncomfortable with this and not being very turned on (at first), Zeke is a good sport, and sticks with the program. [Morning] I catch him in his shower, and ask him if I can just put on the camera while I have him in my mouth. [Afternoon] He walks by my room and catches me working. After a little bit of playing, and me giving direction it kind puts him in a weird state since he's still soft and feels "performance anxiety", so he asks me to turn the camera off in order to focus on us. [Evening] We're stretching and moving. This is foreplay for me. [Night] He's been pretty turned on all day, so we decide to milk him while I have the camera turned on. He's impressed by the amount of cum he's left on me (: and I've had a whole day to warm up so I'm really getting into it (even without a vibe!). Some audio parts get really loud cause I'm screaming, sorrynotsorry!

This is the first time we booked a space for the sole purpose of filming and it definitely was an experience that has taught us so much about ourselves. We've been navigating our sex life, both learning and unlearning our personal histories and habits with bodies, sex, intimacy, and performance. One of the topics that comes up a lot is who gets to cum, why an orgasm is necessary, and who gets to decide. Z has a higher sex drive, and he gets cranky when he doesn't get to cum. For him, sex is about love, intimacy, and getting his rocks off. I could have sex 0 times in a year, or 5 times a day. I can get myself off in 2 minutes, or hold off for days. For me, sex is about performance and my partner. Between the two of us, we get to meet in the middle. While he learns to slow down, and sometimes go without cumming, I learn how to give myself over to passion and get vulnerable. Spoiler, we both get to cum in this session ;). This is Part 1 of 2, just under 40min (and 5GB).

What started off as a sweet kiss that I wanted to capture, devolved into a full-on messy fight, that eventually morphed into a forceful and intense fucking. The video is a total of 8m15s and it's two people navigating how to be authentic in front of the camera, and with one another. We had a really great date day filled with sushi, ice cream, and sunshine. Then as we got home I was on the phone and Zeke came by looking for attention. I put down my phone to look at him, and then we shared a very intimate kiss that ignited my senses. In my efforts to recapture that moment, I found myself in this blind rage and unable to communicate what I wanted. Zeke was so tired at the time that after round 3 of filming the kiss he started to really get frustrated. Now with the two of us frustrated sweet intimacy was off the table so I started getting bratty, pushy, bossy and forceful. I started trying to egg him on, telling him to wreck me. At first he didn't want to, and then he finally gives me what I ask for. He told me later that adrenaline rushed him and his heart started pounding and it really energized him. In the bedroom we have a lot of different power dynamics. In this video, I'm a bratty sub that wants a loving daddy to spoil her. Yet, at the same even as he's pounding me you can see how much he loves me and listens to me. Even though he didn't want to finish, the moment I suggest for him to spill his seed, he does it at my command. I wanted to share this video to show how "the bedroom" (or well the couch) can be a safe space to play out some really regressive and bad behaviours in a more enjoyable context. Sorry for the phone quality! Soon we'll put in effort to make some cinematographic scenes, but for now, the focus is on our own dynamic and not for the viewers.

This is Part 2 of the last video we uploaded (Happy Accidents). It's been FOREVER, and this is actually Z's edit. I really really wanted to edit it myself which is why I waited so long, but recently I watched this and fell in love with how cute we are. He comes from a porn watching background (cishet gaze tings) and so his edit probably won't include the awkward little things I enjoy putting in.. but the chemistry does come through. It's really real, aha as much as Z fancies himself a performer he only really gets it up when he feels safe, seen and loved. There's one part where I ask him to hold me like a little nugget because I'm SO OVERWHELMED. I love how he touches me and how he makes me feel so small. I love how I can always ask him for new positions and be playful and try new things. One day I will possibly get around to editing the video the way I experience it, but for now .. have at it.. more than a year later :P we're still together and he still has a look of impish delight when my butt's on a platter XD. Lastly we're trying to fundraise to get Z to come to an AcroYoga retreat with me so we can level up our partner work ;) ... sooo if ya'll love this we will try and film more. Promise!

Z was on his way out the door when I grazed up against him and he was immediately hard.. so pretty soon my pants came off and his too. We had been talking about filming for a while so I took out my phone, and within 10 or so minutes both of us came, ladies first of course.