Our first-ever sex toy review. Prepare to be INFLUENCED.

Ok, so we never do this! This is an impromptu phone video, with lots of shaky camera movement because Dylan just decided to start filming in the middle of fucking me. Which was hot. Not shown: continuing to discover lube (why did it take so long?), Dylan interrupting my nap preparations, our super clean bedroom window through which I'm sure our neighbours would have been looking if Dylan hadn't made me close the curtains. We've had a tough time feeling sexually in sync lately—both of us are in the middle of big, overwhelming creative projects, Dylan's been traveling, I've been having a bad time with my mental health, Dylan's been having a bad time with his physical health—but today we spent the morning harvesting our garden and cleaning the windows and then just went for it. So this video is not as "produced" as some of the other ones we've made, but it's good to change things up, and so nice to have something new to share :)

Here's a 180 degree turn from our last video, and Dylan's directorial/editing debut on MLNP! (Usually Lizzie calls the shots and then edits the video together.) We've been talking about making a dreamy, non-linear video, an ode to the Four Chambers films we love so much. And we wanted to use these Bluetooth colour changing LEDs Dylan bought for a short film shoot last fall. So we filmed bits of our whole evening—getting ready to go out to dinner, walking to our favourite Korean restaurant, walking home, and finally having some slow, sensual sex in our chromatically infused bedroom. This video includes: an Invisalign reference to rival Billie Eilish's, Dylan's continuing experiments with gold eyeliner, a moment of feedback which we discovered later was coming from our terrifyingly high-tech lightbulbs (?!), more sex toys (2) than we've ever used in a video together, a glimpse of Strathcona Junction (the neighbourhood adjacent to ours), and, naturally, some wild oats. We thought about using our new collar and leash, but we weren't in a rough mood, so I guess you'll just have to wait for the next video :)

The Küt Haus looked so cute over the holidays that we just had to film something under the Christmas tree. Come for the matching sweaters (that Lizzie knit); stay for lots of affectionate touch, lots of experimenting with positions until we find one that doesn't kill our knees, and a rare sighting of Lizzie-on-top.

Alternate title: Orgasm Equality is Not a Figment of the Imagination This is the second part of the morning that began with "slow tv blowjob". What can we say about this video? Well, it's pretty long. We've recently discovered that we have the best sex when Dylan has time to come twice—so in this video, Lizzie takes her sweet time having an orgasm, and in the meantime Dylan has another one. Lizzie finally takes off her body suit. There's a lot of caressing, giggling, and fingering. Oh, and a snack break.

Like most of the rest of the world, the spring of 2020 finds us Canadians adhering to pretty strict social distancing guidelines. In other words, we're not really leaving our apartment—which means that mornings around here have become even more leisurely than usual. Dylan has taken to bringing Lizzie coffee in bed almost every day. It's always a lovely way to wake up, but today it was even more lovely than usual. We wanted to make a twin for the POV blowjob video we made last year. It's rare to see a man performing oral sex on a woman and interacting with her/the camera while he does it, and since we both agree that interaction with the camera is one of the hottest things in film (pornography or not), there's lots of it in this video. You'll also see Dylan looking beautiful (like Leonardo DiCaprio), and hear a lot of Lizzie even if you don't see her face. You'll also hear a lot of traffic. We live on one of the busiest streets in the city and this is what a quarantine morning sounds like, apparently.

If you've ever seen those delightful Scandinavian "slow tv" programs, in which a train spends 8 hours traversing the countryside, etc., consider this the blowjob equivalent. This is the first part of a long, slow morning of sex in the snow-reflected sunshine. The second part is forthcoming. Also, please excuse our slightly tipsy and very tired midnight intro video. Alternate title (ahem): "figment"

This is old footage from the legendary year of 2015, before I (Lizzie) had any tattoos to speak of and before Dylan and I were even properly a couple. I edited it to play with the recursive nature of masturbation and orgasm. Though the finished short film is much shorter than the period of time it took me to make my 24-year old self come, it depicts my subjective experience (or at least my memory of it) more accurately than the unedited version does.

As we explain in the intro, we've started doing this thing where, when Dylan comes home from a long shoot, Lizzie takes off for a few days to let him decompress at home by himself. Then we reunite, and it is inevitably hot and happy. Dylan's been shooting a reality show in LA for the past two weeks, and Lizzie's been living the high life at probably the fanciest AirBnB in Edmonton. This morning, we met for coffee and then came back to the suite to film this :) Now we're home, all nicely reintegrated and excited to be making videos for y'all again! Also excited to sleep together in the same bed. Ranger is thrilled that the dogpile has been reformed.

The thing that turning us on lately is . . . patriarchy. We have a patriarchy kink? Patriarchy is, obviously, not something we're a fan of in our real lives. Like many kinks, it's something that's simultaneously familiar and taboo (at least in our rather privileged circles), and for that reason has acquired an aura of excitement. The very awfulness and inescapable-ness of patriarchy in the real world is probably why it feels good to turn it into a game. We're about to come out with a whole blog post about this here on MLNP, so if you're watching this after the middle of February 2023, go looking for that. In the meantime, let's just say that Lizzie is a very, very good wife. And a pretty good cook. And an excellent cocksucker.