Ladies First

"I used to play with myself all the time, for pleasure and for work, lately I've only wanted to share pleasure with you."rnrnThis video came out of texting with Ro while he was at work. I was at home reading erotica and sending him naughty selfies and video snippets. He was teasing me telling me how he might have to start masturbating at work. I got myself all worked up and I couldn't help myself. So I thought it would be cute to make a video for him. He got home after the video was finished and was all over me. Part 1 I'm sharing with you today, Part 2 has yet to be edited.

Zeke and I were in the Gili Islands earlier this year. We had been hanging out in a trio and had to get ready for dinner, but I loved how pretty the bathroom was and I hadn't had a chance to be intimate with him since our friend was visiting. Zeke is kind of shy around others, so it took a fair bit of convincing.. with my mouth, to get him in the mood. But once he got started, we pretty much forgot about the camera, so it cuts off early, so sorry! But I love the sneak peek into male arousal, it's so visual, and so sensual. The moment he sees me ready, the moment he feels the sensation around his member, he just gives in. You can see the parts where his expressions and his body language change. Desire for me on the other hand, has always been a conscious choice. A choice on who to give my body and my pleasure to. The other thing that's super apparent during shower sex is the height difference. He's 6'3 with long legs and I'm 5'3 with short legs. He's got to squat and I've got to stand on my tippy toes. Even so, the entrance is a doozy. Sex is awkward, ngl. Lastly, filmed with the InstaGo (it's waterproof!), but tough to deal with and orientation also awkward.

This "episode" takes place over a day in the life and looks at bringing a camera into the relationship. Is the camera a third person? Does it add to the fun times? Or does it take attention away? I'm a webcam model and I've been in the adult industry for over a decade now, while Z is new to this. He's always been super into the idea of being a stunt cock for me based on the porn he's watched growing up. Whereas what I perform on cam is a little bit more FemDom leaning (e.g. giving directions, objectifying the man, and creating a different type of power dynamic). I once heard to sex between two people referred to as "all the leftovers", I suppose it meant, all the things we don't find triggering or aversive. But in my world, I love the idea of picking up new things that excite me, and sharing it with another. I love being in front of the camera. I love giving directions. I love being in control. And despite him being uncomfortable with this and not being very turned on (at first), Zeke is a good sport, and sticks with the program. [Morning] I catch him in his shower, and ask him if I can just put on the camera while I have him in my mouth. [Afternoon] He walks by my room and catches me working. After a little bit of playing, and me giving direction it kind puts him in a weird state since he's still soft and feels "performance anxiety", so he asks me to turn the camera off in order to focus on us. [Evening] We're stretching and moving. This is foreplay for me. [Night] He's been pretty turned on all day, so we decide to milk him while I have the camera turned on. He's impressed by the amount of cum he's left on me (: and I've had a whole day to warm up so I'm really getting into it (even without a vibe!). Some audio parts get really loud cause I'm screaming, sorrynotsorry!

Rewind a year ago, we were in Bali and starting our jungle adventure. Emotions were high, but the love was still there. I'm all about communication and learning, whereas Z is very much about feeling and being. While our physical relationship has so much innate chemistry, what always bothered me was that I wanted something different. In my teens and into my early adulthood I always understood sex as a performance for the male species, and over the years I really clued into what turned me on, and aroused me. So this video might not be the stereotypical hottest, but it might be healing to those that struggle with connection and understanding what their partner desires. Sometimes sex with another person is all the leftovers and just showing up, that small space between where two people meet. "Not here, not here, not here" "Does this work for you?" I wish I tried harder at the start to communicate what I wanted because I find female sexuality is sensual and sometimes less about sex and the acts. I enjoy the teasing touch, the tantalization, and the arousal of imagination. I want to crave you, before any part of you touches parts of me that could be kindled in your desire. In this video I instruct Z on how to touch me, how to lick me, the rhythm, the angle, the manner of approach. Given that we have different communication styles sometimes it's difficult, you can see our alternating moments of frustration, but he stays present with me even though he hates taking direction, and we both negotiate and work up toward our orgasms. I find this video really beautiful because it reminds me that showing up and being present is so essential toward building something. Sticky heat, my hair all over the place, the sound of the ocean waves in the background, and the underlying current of our relational frustration released post-orgasm. (After this one I have one last one from the archives, and ouff the next one is VERY hot, accidental gushing, and lots of intensity. We're still having really hot break-up sex ngl, it might be wrong but it really checks all my boxes.)

I woke Z up with a cuddle, and he was rock hard, even though he came the night before his cock was begging to be inside me. We had about 10-15 minutes off camera where I was teasing him, asking him to multi-task, quizzing him with problem solving tasks. This turned me on so much, because I could see the struggle in him, trying to redirect the blood to his brain, rather than his nether regions. Finally, he gives in and asks me if he can fuck me really intensely. I say "Yes please! but let me grab the camera!".. so I set up the phone while he's keeping himself hard. This is where the scene starts. The rest of it, is me directing the poses, while I ask him to rap for me. Hearing his voice turns me on so much. I'm lazily fucking him, and then when he has me on top, I tell him that I want to suck his "post-cum" into my mouth. He's always told me his biggest fantasy is to cum into my mouth, and I've never let anyone do that... He has a huge load, so I surprised him in this video asking to suck him off and swallow after his first spurt.

I knew Kacey when we were 15. We were too young to do much about it. Fast forward more than 10 years later we found ourselves in each other's lives. He's still making music and I'm still making art.

Early April of '24 Zeke and I were in Bali, on the cusp of our lives diverging, but the sex was still so sweet and orgasmic. I really love this video because it's sex the way I like it. Sweet and sensual make outs, me teasing his manhood, and him reigning it in so I can take control. I love lying back and enjoying myself with a vibrator, his finger, and finally his cock. I love it when I get to play with getting so close to my climax, and he has to hold himself on the edge waiting for me. I love feeling myself let go while he's sucking on my nipples and giving me soft kisses. The way he watches me expectantly and how he murmurs sweet things to me. In the end he tells me sorry, and I'm like, what are you apologizing for? And he says, I came. He didn't want to cum yet, but sometimes you can't keep on holding on. We made a mess (:, clean-up included of course!

This is the first time we booked a space for the sole purpose of filming and it definitely was an experience that has taught us so much about ourselves. We've been navigating our sex life, both learning and unlearning our personal histories and habits with bodies, sex, intimacy, and performance. One of the topics that comes up a lot is who gets to cum, why an orgasm is necessary, and who gets to decide. Z has a higher sex drive, and he gets cranky when he doesn't get to cum. For him, sex is about love, intimacy, and getting his rocks off. I could have sex 0 times in a year, or 5 times a day. I can get myself off in 2 minutes, or hold off for days. For me, sex is about performance and my partner. Between the two of us, we get to meet in the middle. While he learns to slow down, and sometimes go without cumming, I learn how to give myself over to passion and get vulnerable. Spoiler, we both get to cum in this session ;). This is Part 1 of 2, just under 40min (and 5GB).

This is Part 2 (Part 1 was called One Last Time), and this video starts with a small cuddly re-cap, and then fully dives into the continuation. Part 1 was foreplay, Part 2 is fucking and orgasms. I need a vibrator and fingers to come undone, while he needs my vessel to explode. Context of this video is that we were in New Zealand, exploring and working in separate cities, and then we were reunited after spending a month apart. Our relationship was rocky at the time, but we very much missed each other and the act of cuddling, playing, and fucking has always been our love language. There's a whole bunch of real-ness and silliness, like me breaking the camera tripod while he's inside of me, the way I demand a towel needs to be folded, how I don't want to make a mess so I stop my orgasm and whine about it, or the way I talk dirty to him all the while mewing and being needy, but mostly, the way I list all the ways in which I love him and it drives him to vigorously fuck me until he explodes his seed all over me ;). The End.

Part 1/2 because the file sizes are very large. We filmed this at the Mount in New Zealand when we were reunited. He had been working off-grid, and I'd been on my own for a while. We missed each other a lot and had really hot sex the night before and wanted to do a multi-cam scene. This was probably the last time we had really loving sex. Part 1 is mainly "foreplay" with a little bit of tension, since off-camera we had gotten into a fight. Two neurospicy individuals meeting in the middle. He's very ADHD and likes stimulus and intensity. I have autistic traits and there are a lot of sensory things that bother me, so I like everything in a particular way with lots of communication. So in Part 1 we have cuddles, massages, blowjobs, lickjobs, kissing, light spanking, fingers, and basically just the tip.. then Part 2 will continue with the rest, playfulness and orgasms..